I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
