The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
what day is it and did you see me today?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
