My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
