Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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