We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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