I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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