your thong is hanging out like whoa
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
