i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Sext me about skeletons
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
