youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
