Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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