I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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