i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Still dying that you shit outside
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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