So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
