Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
