Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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