thus making me awesome and them whores
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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