Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
