i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you traded sex for a burrito?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I have aggressive nipples.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
