drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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