I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I need moral support for this bender
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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