guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Houston, we have a squirter
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize