Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
