I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
