I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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