Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
