if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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