this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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