what if every blade of grass was a penis?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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