My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
