...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
