The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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