smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
