dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize