I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
