...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
