His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
