Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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