i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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