My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
