new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize