we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
