there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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