mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
