Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize