Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
