Walk of Shame. In a state park.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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