I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
