how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
