Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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