Porn is love you can see.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
