Don't make out with my wife yet
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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