The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
