sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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