I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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