This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
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