So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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