my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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