Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
