I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
