When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
