I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
