oh god the rape fog is back!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
