sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
