Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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