would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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