Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Boobs speak an international language.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize