No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
