The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
