Can i not drive my cunt home
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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