i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
