Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I wish there were birth control emojis
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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