He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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