Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
