Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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