I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Lo siento on account of my penis...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
