this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
