I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
