her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
