His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
