I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize