Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I skipped work to stalk him.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
