Plan B is the new Plan A
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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