So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
