Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
