...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
