i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
