At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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