I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
