Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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