You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
