The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
