so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
