I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
