help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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