i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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