There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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