I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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