that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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