the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
