Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
