Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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