I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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