I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
