Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
