I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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