Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
