he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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