last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I need to sanitize my soul.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
