I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
