i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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