I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
