worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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